Alex Shvartsman's Speculative Fiction

Announcing the FUNNY SCIENCE FICTION Reprint Anthology

June 8, 2015

Funny Science Fiction

I will be editing another anthology of science fiction humor over the summer.

Tentatively titled FUNNY SCIENCE FICTION (Hey, it gets the point across, okay?), I envision it as being “just like the Unidentified Funny Objects anthologies, except it will all be reprints.” There are lots of funny stories out there that I love, and would have published in UFO without hesitation, except other editors got to them first. Still, it’s virtually impossible for anyone to read all the magazines and anthologies out there, and so I’m confident the anthology will feel fresh to the fans of the UFO series. You can expect the same variety of voices, styles and lengths, and the same wacky and occasionally difficult-to-peg down sense of humor.

The awesome picture displayed above is by Argentine artist Flavio Greco Paglia will be the cover art for this book.

Those are some of the similarities to UFO, but lots of things are different, too.

For one thing, this will be an e-book only release, at least for now. UFO books sell way better as e-books than in paper (partly because UFO Publishing is a tiny company with limited distribution). Also, e-books are way cheaper to produce. I can afford to do this on a shoestring budget and without a Kickstarter campaign or causing undue emotional harm to my wallet.

In case the book is super successful, I’m optioning the Print rights from authors. (As in, I will pay them a bit more money and be able to release the book in a print version.) Authors will be paid $0.01 per word for non-exclusive electronic rights outright, and another $0.01 per word if and when I want to exercise the print option. It’s not a lot, but unfortunately $0.01-$0.02 per word is pretty standard as reprint rates go. Ultimately I do not expect to make a ton of money from this project, but to use it as a way to promote the UFO series.

The second difference is that this book will include science fiction stories only. No fantasy. However, if it proves to be successful, the FUNNY FANTASY volume won’t be far behind! I have a fairly broad definition of science fiction, which includes superheroes, steampunk that doesn’t include magic, etc.

Also, there will be no submission window for this project as such. About half the stories will be solicited by me directly — they’re stories I’ve already read, I already love, and I will definitely include in the book if the authors let me. For the rest, I’m asking readers (and authors themselves) to recommend reading material to me. I’m looking for stories of 500-7500 words that are SF and that are funny. Please feel free t0 e-mail me, or simply post your favorites in the comments of this post. If you’re an author, it’s OK to recommend a few of your own stories. I’ll do my best to read everything that’s suggested, and may reach out to some authors directly and ask them to see their stories if they weren’t published online.

I’m looking to mostly include stories that were published in the last few years. (Original publication date of 2010 – present.) I may go back a few years more for my absolute favorites, but will include nothing from the 20th century. The idea is to showcase some of the best humor SF being written today. Go far enough back and the book will become filled with time-tested classics by Brown and Asimov and Sheckley, leaving little room for modern stories.

I began the process of reaching out to authors about their stories yesterday and already have three tales under contract:

“Observation Post” by Mike Resnick (Beyond the Sun anthology, Fairwood Press, 2013)

“Flying on My Hatred of My Neighbor’s Dog” by Shaenon Garrity (Drabblecast, 2013)

“Whaliens” by Lavie Tidhar (Analog, 2014)

I’m super excited to share these stories (and several others I’ve already solicited and am waiting on responses and/or contracts) with my readers.

I’ll be reading and slowly acquiring stories for this project over the course of the next month or so. Again, if you have a (recent) favorite, please let me know about it in the comments, on Twitter, Facebook, by carrier pigeon, or at a convention. Thanks!

#SFWAPro

12 Comments | Publishing | Tagged: anthology, Funny Science Fiction, humor, reprints | Permalink
Posted by Alex Shvartsman

The Hook: The Singular & Extraordinary Tale of Mirror & Goliath by Ishbelle Bee

June 1, 2015

The Hook:

In the summer of 1887, my grandfather stole a clock. He trundled it out in a wheelbarrow and loaded it into a pony and trap, and off he went with a click-ity clop. A big smile stretched across his face like a chalk line drawn by a child on a blackboard, wonky and unsure.

Click-ity clop

The clock was six feet high

Click-ity clop

and the shape of a coffin.

Ishbelle Bee says:

The beginning of my book neatly sums up its entire premise – an object of great power: a sinister clock which is obsessively pursued by a variety of individuals because of what it contains. As the grandfather clock is the shape of a coffin, it is suggestive of acting as a vessel in which to place a dead body. In this case, the object inside the clock is a little girl called Mirror, locked inside by her insane grandfather. She is rescued by a policeman who becomes her supernatural guardian but they are pursued by the Lord of the Underworld assassin, John Loveheart, because he wants to eat her and absorb her powers.

The Singular and Extraordinary Tale of Mirror and Goliath is a Victorian horror fairytale set during the Jack the Ripper killings in London, Egypt and the Underworld and reveals a variety of unusual and colourful characters, including fraudulent psychics, secret cults, a photographer of the dead, a death mask collector, Jack the Ripper and bewildered Scotland Yard detectives.

It is a book about a magic, sinister clock. It is a book about the nature of time and the possibilities of manipulating and consuming it.

Buy The Singular and Extraordinary Tale of Mirror and Goliath on Amazon.

About the author:

Ishbelle Bee writes horror and loves fairy-tales, the Victorian period (especially top hats!) and cake tents at village fêtes (she believes serial killers usually opt for the Victoria Sponge). She currently lives in Edinburgh. She doesn’t own a rescue cat, but if she did his name would be Mr Pickles.

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If you’re an author with a book coming out soon and you wish to participate on The Hook, please read this.

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman

UFO Publishing at BookCon 2015

May 29, 2015

UFO Publishing will have a booth at BookCon in NYC this weekend. I’ll be on hand to sign (and, of course, sell) books. And if you ask nicely, I might even show you the draft/preview of my next book’s cover.

So stop on by. We’ll be in booth # 3175.

#SFWAPro

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The Hook: Enter the Janitor by Josh Vogt

May 25, 2015

The Hook:

Ben shuffled into the college library, tugging his squeaky janitorial cart along like a coffin-on-wheels. The moment he entered the place, his right arm started aching, adding a small, but significant voice to the chorus of twinges, knotted muscles, and scars that composed his aging body.

Ignoring this as best he could, he took a big whiff of the place. He snorted and shook his head, gray ponytail flapping.

At the noise, heads popped up from textbooks and tablets as students stared his way. Ben gave them his best grumpy grandpa look until they turned back to their books.

Resisting the urge to massage his arm, he made eye contact with the young man behind the main desk. Jason, the work-study for the evening, flashed a relieved smile as he lurched out of his chair and headed the janitor’s way.

Ben tugged at his blue jumpsuit so his name, threaded in red on the left breast, displayed prominently. The spray bottle hanging on his belt quivered as the water sloshed within. Ben scowled and slapped it.

“Shaddup,” he whispered. “I can handle this.”

Josh Vogt says:

Enter the Janitor is the first in my humorous urban fantasy series, The Cleaners, which reveals the inner workings of the supernatural sanitation company that secretly keeps our world clean and safe. In it, Ben, the janitor in question, must discover the source of an imbalance between Purity and Corruption before it wipes out whole cities—while also keeping his new (and germaphobic) apprentice alive.

The opening of the novel intentionally mirrors the title, immediately bringing in the titular janitor as he strolls (or trudges, actually) onto the scene. With it being a bit of an oddball urban fantasy, I aimed for the beginning to accomplish several things at once. First off, I wanted readers to go, “Enter the Janitor? Really?” and then open to the first page and go, “Oh, well, that certainly delivers. I wonder if the rest of it does.” I also wanted to establish Ben’s character as quickly as possible, conveying his attitude and voice right off to indicate he’s far from your typical fantasy hero.

Alongside all that, the opening is meant to hint at a few elements out of the ordinary, suggesting at things lurking behind-the-scenes and tugging the reader to read on and find out what happens next. On the surface, you get what could be interpreted as an everyday event—a janitor on the job. But there are some clues in these first lines that this isn’t your average sanitation situation.

So, the hook gives readers what the title has them expecting…but then twists it slightly to get them questioning precisely what Ben is there to “handle” and how he intends to do so.

And everything just gets messier from there.

Buy Enter the Janitor on Amazon

About the author:

Josh Vogt has been published in dozens of genre markets with work ranging from flash fiction to short stories to doorstopper novels that cover fantasy, science fiction, horror, humor, pulp, and more. His debut fantasy novel, Forge of Ashes, adds to the RPG Pathfinder Tales tie-in line. WordFire Press is also launching his urban fantasy series, The Cleaners, with Enter the Janitor (2015) and The Maids of Wrath (2016). You can find him at JRVogt.com or on Twitter @JRVogt. He’s a member of SFWA as well as the International Association of Media Tie-In Writers.

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#SFWAPro
If you’re an author with a book coming out soon and you wish to participate on The Hook, please read this.

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman

UFO4 cover and table of contents

May 22, 2015

The fourth annual Unidentified Funny Objects anthology will contain 23 stories totaling approximately 86,000 words. Cover art by Tomasz Maronski. Interior illustrations by Barry Munden.

Unidentified Funny Objects 4

“We Can Get Them for You Wholesale” by Neil Gaiman

“The Time-Traveling Ghost Machine of Professor Jaime Peligrosa” by Andrew Kaye

“Please Approve the Dissertation Research of Angtor” by Caroline M. Yoachim

“Match Game” by Esther Friesner

“The Transformation of Prince Humphrey” by Brent C. Smith

“In the End, You Get Clarity” by Laura Pearlman

“Project Disaster” by Tim Pratt

“Hello Hotel” by Piers Anthony

“Bob’s No Kill Monster Shelter” by Ian Creasey

“Board Meeting Minutes” by Oliver Buckram

“Armed for You” by Anaea Lay

“The Unfortunate Problem of Grandma’s Head” by Karen Haber

“My Mother Loves Her Robot More than Me and I Feel Bad” by Eric Kaplan

“The Worm that Turned” by Jody Lynn Nye

“Department of Death Predictions, Final Notice” by Tina Gower

“Champions of Breakfast” by Zach Shephard

“Keeping Ahead” by Mike Resnick

“So You’ve Metamorphosed into a Giant Insect. Now What?” by James Aquilone

“Confessions of an Interplanetary Art Fraud” by Michael J. Martinez

“Texts from My Mother about an Alien Invasion” by Tina Connolly

“Support Your Local Alien” by Gini Koch

“Topics to Avoid on a First Date with Yourself” by Jonathan Ems

“The Monkey Treatment” by George R. R. Martin

#SFWAPro

2 Comments | Publishing | Tagged: fantasy, humor, science fiction, UFO4 | Permalink
Posted by Alex Shvartsman

My 2015 Balticon Schedule

May 21, 2015

I’ll be attending Balticon for the next four days, as I do every year. Here’s where you can find me:

FRIDAY

4:00 PM	Retelling Fairy-Tales Across Media	Garden
	Alex Shvartsman (M), Sunny Moraine, Ruth Sanderson, Jo Walton, Melissa L Hayden	(50 minutes)

9:00 PM	Dangerous Voices Variety Hour	Salon B
	Sarah Pinsker (M), Michael Underwood (M), Alex Shvartsman	(50 minutes)
	Baltimore Science Fiction Society’s own readings series comes to Balticon once more! The Dangerous Voices Variety Hour takes its cues from such diverse inspirations as the popular 510 reading series, NPR’s quiz show: Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!, and Orson Welles’s original War of the Worlds broadcast. The hour long, free event features readings, irreverent author interviews, trivia, prizes, and more.

SATURDAY

3:00 PM	Autograph – Saturday – 15:00	Autograph Table
	Larry Hodges, Alex Shvartsman, Grig Larson	(50 minutes)

SUNDAY

10:00 AM	Exploring Publishing Platforms	Salon D
	Mike Allen, Neal Levin, Mike Luoma, Alex Shvartsman	(50 minutes)
	Desktop publishing has come a long way. Learn the ins and outs of the various publishing platforms.

11:00 AM	How to Start Writing	Derby
	Michael Black (M), Paula S Jordan, Hugh J O’Donnell, Don Sakers, Alex Shvartsman	(50 minutes)
	Workshops, writing circles, and NaNoWriMo. How do you start writing, and how do you make sure you keep at it? Younger and beginning writers are encouraged to attend.

12:00 PM	Putting a Pretty Face on Small Press	Parlor 1041
	Scott E Pond (M), Andrew Fox, Gail Z. Martin, Alex Shvartsman, Patrick Thomas	(50 minutes)
	Covers, often the bane of small press publishers. How do you put out a nice looking book without breaking the bank? What do you need to know when designing those covers and selecting cover art? What pitfalls should you watch out for that could mean the difference between looking pro and not.

1:00 PM	Readings: Russ Colchamiro, Adam Ruben, Alex Shvartsman	Chesapeake
	Russ Colchamiro, Alex Shvartsman, Adam Ruben	(50 minutes)

2:00 PM	Starting your own Small Press	Pimlico
	Dave Robison (M), Andrew Fox, Gary L Lester, Alex Shvartsman	(50 minutes)
	Taxes, registration, a company name… there are so many things to consider before you even start. Learn some of the things you should be aware of before you take that plunge into the publishing mogul pool.

MONDAY

12:00 PM	What Do Short Fiction Editors Want?	Salon D
	Mike McPhail, Bernie Mojzes, Alex Shvartsman, Joshua Palmatier	(50 minutes)
	What is the behind-the-scenes process of what happens at a magazine? From Slush to Sale panel

#SFWAPro

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman

New Publication: “Grains of Wheat” in Nature

May 20, 2015

This week’s issue of Nature includes “Grains of Wheat,” my story of big pharma, chess mythology, and revenge. You can read it here for free. There’s also a link from the story that leads to a brief essay about the inspiration and writing challenges behind it, which I hope readers of this blog will find interesting.

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4 Comments | Acceptances & Publications | Tagged: flash fiction, nature | Permalink
Posted by Alex Shvartsman

Get a free copy of Dark Expanse: Surviving the Collapse anthology

May 14, 2015

Dark Expanse: Surviving the Collapse is FREE at Amazon for the next few days. Grab your copy!

And speaking of anthologies, all acceptances and rejections for UFO4 have gone out. I’m waiting on one rewrite request, and on all the contracts to come in, but I expect to announce the TOC early next week!

#SFWAPro

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman

My Albacon 2015 Schedule

May 7, 2015

This weekend I’ll be attending Albacon 2015 (well, technically it’s called Albacon 2014 1/2 because this year’s official Albacon is hosting the World Fantasy Convention later this year. But for all indents and porpoises….)

Anyhow, here’s my event schedule for the next three days:

Friday

2pm in Troy: Getting the Word Out

8pm in Latham: Ice Cream Social

Saturday

11am in Latham: Humor in SF

12:30 in lobby: Signing

1:30pm Reading (30 min)

2pm in Troy: Anthology Editing 101

4pm in Troy: Social Media

Sunday

No events scheduled for me — I shall roam the halls, and engage in wacky shenanigans.

#SFWAPro

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Kickstarter Creator Basics Videos

May 7, 2015

Kickstarter posted a series of brief Creator Basics videos on their YouTube channel, where Lisa Lucas, Daniel Jose Older, Farai Chideya and yours truly get to dispense some wisdom about preparing to launch a Kickstarter project in publishing and journalism fields.

This is pretty basic information (as advertised in the series’ title!) but if you are relatively new to Kickstarter and are thinking of creating a campaign, it’s a good start-off point.

Watch the videos here.

#SFWAPro

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman