Introducing UFO Cover Art

June 30, 2012

Check out the cover art for Unidentified Funny Objects, created by the incredibly talented Dixon Leavitt:

 

 

Fonts, text and names of the features authors may all change — they’re a placeholder for now until the TOC is finalized.

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman

Sneak Preview: Fight Finale From the Near Future! by James Beamon

June 28, 2012

This week I unveil a short story titled “Fight Finale From the Near Future!” by James Beamon.

James Beamon writes because he has to… and he can’t find anything worth watching on TV. But he doesn’t need TV when his wife is a muse and his son is amused by the stuff he makes up. And the cat–well, the cat’s not a fan of speculative fiction but has learned to attack on command. James calls Virginia home but his IT work takes him all over the globe. At the moment he is deployed over in Afghanistan, where he manages to write humor during the brief interludes between missions. Here’s James posing in full battle raiment in front of the Kajacki river valley:

There was an additional benefit for me in accepting James’ submission. As soon as I bought his story, I asked him to join our editorial board and help read and rate incoming submissions. His razor-sharp wit fits in nicely among the varying voices on the reading panel.

Here’s a brief preview of “Fight Finale”:

“You both stand back,” Brody says. He walks carefully across the catwalk. Then he hears the hammer of a gun cock back.

This is a needless gesture, as the only guns that require manually cocking to fire are Old West single-action revolvers.  But he hears it, and cringes despite the fact that anyone who wanted him dead would have killed him already unless their firearm was made before 1890. Brody turns slowly to face his nemesis.

Brody sees M. Vella on the catwalk. Behind the villain, Katya is tied up. M. Vella has left the Observer alone because observing never hurt anybody. Apparently, stealth is also useful for foiling good.

“And now, Agent Omen, I will explain to you my plan’s finer points,” M. Vella sneers as he raises the gun. “I call them hollow points.”

A shot rings out, loud, jarring. Silence follows.

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman

Sneak Preview: El and Al vs. Himmler’s Hideous Horde from Hell by Mike Resnick

June 21, 2012

I’m a huge fan of Mike Resnick’s fiction. I’ve been reading and enjoying his tales for years. His novel “Santiago” was among the first science fiction books I ever read in English. So I’m enormously thrilled to announce that Unidentified Funny Objects will feature his novelette “El and Al vs. Himmler’s Hideous Horde from Hell.”

According to Locus, Mike Resnick is the all-time leading award winner, living or dead, for short fiction. He won 5 Hugos (from a record 35 nominations), a Nebula, and other major awards in the USA, France, Japan, Spain, Croatia, and Poland. He’s the author of 64 novels, over 250 stories, and 2 screenplays, and the editor of 40 anthologies. His work has been translated into 25 languages.

The fate of the world itself hangs in the balance when the Third Reich summons super soldiers from hell to fight on their side. Now it’s up to Albert Einstein to engage his arch-nemesis Heinrich Himmler in a battle of sorcery that may well determine the outcome of World War II. With a little help from America’s greatest warrior — Eleanor Roosevelt.

Here’s an excerpt:

“Mein Gott, you’re big!” exclaimed Himmler as he looked at the army Satan had supplied.

There were thirteen of them, each blond and blue eyed, each armed with a magical scimitar (which is kind of like a curved lightsaber, but effective rather than pretty), each ten feet tall, each wearing naught but a leather kilt.

“Ow!” cried the nearest as his head bumped against the ceiling, an action and a cry that was repeated twelve more times up and down the line.

“Duck your heads, dummkopfs!” snapped Himmler.

“We bow to no one!” thundered one of them. “We’ll raise the ceiling!”

So saying, he lifted his magical scimitar and punched a hole in the ceiling.

“You see?” he said with a smile. “There is nothing to it.”

Well, he tried to say “There is nothing to it,” but somewhere between “There” and “is” a huge wooden desk fell through the hole and crashed onto his head. He collapsed beneath it, shoved it off to a side, and got groggily to his feet.

“Maybe I should have sacrificed two newts,” muttered Himmler.

P.S. I promise, the next few stories I’ll be unveiling feature absolutely no Nazis whatsoever.

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman

Sneak Preview: Moon Landing by Lavie Tidhar

June 19, 2012

We’re hard at work reading submissions for Unidentified Funny Objects. I accepted four stories so far, with several more held in the final round of consideration. Tonight, the first contract was signed (and the first payment made), so I can finally announce one of the stories that will be published in UFO: Moon Landing by Lavie Tidhar.

 

 

Lavie Tidhar has been nominated for a BSFA, British Fantasy, Campbell, Sidewise, World Fantasy and Sturgeon Awards. He is the author of Osama, and of the Bookman Histories trilogy, as well as numerous short stories and several novellas.

Here’s a brief excerpt from Moon Landing, though I caution that it doesn’t really do the story justice:

Neil and Buzz stand on the surface of the moon.

“Houston? We have a problem . . .”

“Ja,” a new voice says. The new voice has patched into their comm. units. The new voice comes from the leader of the men facing the Eagle. There are a dozen of them. They all wear spacesuits. They are all armed. On each suit there is a patch, and on the patch is a swastika.

“Ja,”’ the voice says. It has a German accent. “You have a problem.”

Assuming that the edits are done and the contracts are signed in time, I will unveil another accepted story next week.  Later this week I will post more about the submissions we’ve been getting — along with some statistics.

 

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Posted by Alex Shvartsman

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