Guest Post: Leaving It All On The Page by Michael Haynes

July 3, 2012

Michael Haynes has recently released a non-fiction eBook “Write Every Day: Hints & Tips Towards a Daily Writing Routine.” He blogs regularly about writing-related topics at michaelhaynes.info and writeeveryday.info

To “leave it all on the field” in sports means to have not held anything back, to have given your all. I thought of this concept last night watching — of all things — Saturday Night Live audition videos. Here I saw Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman, John Belushi… All of them leaving it all on their chosen field. The camera was on just them but you could occasionally hear commentary (and very occasionally, laughter) from those who were watching the auditions. All of these people were skilled performers to have reached that point, but you could see on their faces just how important this moment was to them. It was absolutely fascinating.

From there, my mind jumped to my own closest experience to these auditions: in-person tryouts for the televised quiz program Jeopardy. Twice I’ve made it past the online test and been invited to travel to near(ish) cities for those in-person events. Several dozen other qualifiers were there each time and we all went through written tests, mock games, and mock interviews. You go through all this and then you’re thanked for your time and told that you might (or might not) get the call to fly out to Los Angeles to (maybe) be on the show sometime in the next eighteen months.

My first time I sort of winged it and suspect I did so-so, but not well enough to make it on. I didn’t make it to the program with my second try, either, but when I left the room from that tryout I felt on top of the world. Why? Because I knew I’d left it all on the field. I’d read up more on the tryout process before my second experience and had learned that you’re being judged every second that you’re in the room, even if it’s not obvious. So I made a point to be “on” at all times, even when the people evaluating us were supposedly away from the room looking at our paper tests. I’m not a naturally outgoing person and would normally just sit quietly unless someone engaged me, but I made a point to chat up other contenders throughout that period. Even now, though my eighteen months are over, I feel happy with how I performed that day.

When writing for publication, if you want to reach the top levels, you’re unlikely to meet with success doing things halfway. You have to leave it all on the field or, in our case, the page.

But what does that mean? To me, it means that when I go to send a story out for the first time, that I want to feel like the story is as good as I, right now, can make it.

To me, it doesn’t mean going through endless revisions, but it does mean taking a critical look at your own story and not just saying “Eh, it’s good enough.” Professional-level editors are rarely going to buy “good enough.” Readers of these publications aren’t likely to rush out to read your other works because they thought that one was “good enough.”

No one is going to have every story they write be brilliant. And as we grow as writers, stories that once represented our best effort no longer will. But when we’re writing something new, we should always be looking to leave it all on the page.


The Meta Rejection

July 2, 2012

 

Public submissions for UFO opened 48 hours ago and they’re pouring in. I’ve read and responded to nearly 200 submissions so far (which means another statistics post is just around the corner). I’ve been keeping (marginally) sane by talking about the slush process on Twitter.

Many of my fellow writers hang out there, and one of my Twitter buddies is L. Lambert Lawson of Kazka Press. He does this thing where he posts the rejections on his blog. So when he sent me a story which I had to reject, I knew the rejection letter was going to find its way onto the greater Internet, fast. And since I knew this in advance, I had to make it the most epic rejection letter to ever grace his blog.

Did I succeed? You decide. Read a rejection letter in three codas and a poem. The poem is courtesy of Anatoly Belilovsky. It appeared previously on my blog.

 

 

 


Publication: “Price Of Allegiance” in Penumbra

July 1, 2012

 

My space opera story “Price of Allegiance” is out today in the Politics-themed issue of Penumbra e-zine.

When it comes to influence and power among the membership of the Galactic Union, Earth is near the bottom of the totem pole. So when an opportunity comes along to finally  earn some clout and possibly gain access to advance alien technologies, Earth leaders jump at the chance. But things aren’t as they seem, and soon the humans are entangled in a dangerous power play that can determine not only the future of Earth itself, but of all the worlds within the Union.

Click here to purchase the issue.


Logos for UFO

June 30, 2012

On the heels of revealing the awesome cover for Unidentified Funny Objects I would also like to show off some of the logos which I’m going to be using for UFO Publishing.

This lovable green alien was imagined by Kaolin Fire, a true Renaissance man of the digital age with impressive credits in art, fiction, poetry and game design. He just released TumbleDots, a fast-paced match-3 style game for iPhone and iPad.

 

This next design comes courtesy of my friend Martin Dare. Martin is a tattoo artist in the NYC area. If you’d like to get inked (perhaps with the lovable one-eyed alien above on your forearm?)  I can put you in touch with him.

 

 

This is a modified version of the above logo, to provide the alien with a mode of transportation.

There were a number of other versions from both artists, but these three are my favorites. I can’t decide on just one. But, luckily, I don’t have to. Plenty of opportunities to feature all three across UFO web site and promotional products.

 


Introducing UFO Cover Art

June 30, 2012

Check out the cover art for Unidentified Funny Objects, created by the incredibly talented Dixon Leavitt:

 

 

Fonts, text and names of the features authors may all change — they’re a placeholder for now until the TOC is finalized.


Sneak Preview: Fight Finale From the Near Future! by James Beamon

June 28, 2012

This week I unveil a short story titled “Fight Finale From the Near Future!” by James Beamon.

James Beamon writes because he has to… and he can’t find anything worth watching on TV. But he doesn’t need TV when his wife is a muse and his son is amused by the stuff he makes up. And the cat–well, the cat’s not a fan of speculative fiction but has learned to attack on command. James calls Virginia home but his IT work takes him all over the globe. At the moment he is deployed over in Afghanistan, where he manages to write humor during the brief interludes between missions. Here’s James posing in full battle raiment in front of the Kajacki river valley:

There was an additional benefit for me in accepting James’ submission. As soon as I bought his story, I asked him to join our editorial board and help read and rate incoming submissions. His razor-sharp wit fits in nicely among the varying voices on the reading panel.

Here’s a brief preview of “Fight Finale”:

“You both stand back,” Brody says. He walks carefully across the catwalk. Then he hears the hammer of a gun cock back.

This is a needless gesture, as the only guns that require manually cocking to fire are Old West single-action revolvers.  But he hears it, and cringes despite the fact that anyone who wanted him dead would have killed him already unless their firearm was made before 1890. Brody turns slowly to face his nemesis.

Brody sees M. Vella on the catwalk. Behind the villain, Katya is tied up. M. Vella has left the Observer alone because observing never hurt anybody. Apparently, stealth is also useful for foiling good.

“And now, Agent Omen, I will explain to you my plan’s finer points,” M. Vella sneers as he raises the gun. “I call them hollow points.”

A shot rings out, loud, jarring. Silence follows.


New Sales: Interstellar Fiction and Bards & Sages

June 28, 2012

 

I’m not writing all that much at the moment, because editing an anthology is even more crazy and more time consuming than I expected — and I don’t think I was fooling myself about the amount of work it was going to take in the first place. My previously written stories are making the rounds at various markets though, and this has been a very good week, with two semi-pro sales to report.

On Sunday I heard back from Bards & Sages Quarterly — they will be publishing my tiny slipstream humor SF story “Manna From Heaven” in the October issue. B&S appears to appreciate my flash stories that make fun of or subvert Biblical plots. Last year they published “Superior Firepower,” a story about the final battle between good and evil as predicted in Revelations taking place in our day and age. “Manna From Heaven” is inspired by Exodus. Perhaps I should write a flash humor story based on every other book of the Bible and see if I can get them published. Adam and Eve chomping on Snow White’s poisoned apple? Robo-Christ? The sky’s the limit.

My other sale is a much longer story titled “A Better Tomorrow,” which was picked up by Interstellar Fiction, a new e-zine, for their inaugural issue. IF is new to the business, but they’ve been super friendly and responsive, a great experience so far, and I can’t wait to see what else they come up with for the issue 1 lineup.

“A Better Tomorrow” was one of the first stories I wrote in 2010. However, I wasn’t satisfied with how it came out, so I shelved it and kept coming back to the story every six to nine months as my skill as a writer improved. It wasn’t until late last year that I felt comfortable enough with the story to begin shopping it around. It had a few very close calls before it found a worthy home.

“A Better Tomorrow” is a pulp thriller set on an Earth-to-Mars spaceship that is damaged en route, dooming the crew. How will they react in a hopeless situation? The story feels a lot like a Twilight Zone or Outer Limits episode, down to a opening with an action sequence cut from the middle of the plot. Very curious to see what readers make of this story.

 

 


The Take read on the radio live and podcast

June 23, 2012

 

My flash story “The Take,” originally published at Daily Science Fiction in March 2012, is going to be read on the radio at 4pm today as part of Paul Cole’s “Beam Me Up” program. You can listen to the live stream at wrfr.com and it will be available as a podcast later on at beammeuppodcast.com

 


Anthology Update – Submission Statistics and Art

June 21, 2012

Submission Statistics

As of this evening I have read and responded to exactly 100 submissions (counting unsolicited stories only). I read 100 stories totaling 207,000 words (that’s about two novels worth) between June 4th and today. Please note that most of these submissions are from professional writers who were invited to submit, members of SFWA and members of Codex Writers — so the statistics are significantly skewed as compared to what may be expected from an upcoming open submissions call.

Here are some interesting numbers:

Of 100 stories read I bought four.  Seven more were strong enough to advance to round 3 (stories I’m highly likely to buy but not 100% sure yes, and will make final decisions at the end of the submission period). I sent a rewrite request for one more story. The remaining 88 were rejected.

Exactly 25 of the submitted stories were advanced to the second round and read by the full editorial board. The remaining 75 were rejected in the first round.

Almost every submission was responded to — with either a rejection or a bump up into the second round — within 24 hours.

A total of 40 submissions have been reported on Duotrope. However, 3 of the 4 acceptances (75%) were reported, as opposed to just 30 of 75 rejections (about 40%).

The most common reason for rejecting a story was its apparent lack of funny. I strongly encourage everyone who plans on submitting to the anthology to read the excerpts from the accepted stories on this blog as well as the sample stories linked at the bottom of the submission guidelines page. We want speculative humor, not just a lighthearted story with a couple of funny lines here and there.

Regarding Artwork

I received queries from several artists who expressed interest in becoming involved in the project. I honestly didn’t have a ready-made answer for them. Beyond cover art and layout (which had been commissioned already) I had no intention of including interior art. However, I can be persuaded otherwise. If you’re interested in producing interior artwork for the book (either original artwork or using your existing pieces), please feel free to query at the submissions address. I did not budget for this, so all I can offer interior artists at this time are copies of the book and publication credit. But, if you’re interested anyway, do e-mail me.

 


Sneak Preview: El and Al vs. Himmler’s Hideous Horde from Hell by Mike Resnick

June 21, 2012

I’m a huge fan of Mike Resnick’s fiction. I’ve been reading and enjoying his tales for years. His novel “Santiago” was among the first science fiction books I ever read in English. So I’m enormously thrilled to announce that Unidentified Funny Objects will feature his novelette “El and Al vs. Himmler’s Hideous Horde from Hell.”

According to Locus, Mike Resnick is the all-time leading award winner, living or dead, for short fiction. He won 5 Hugos (from a record 35 nominations), a Nebula, and other major awards in the USA, France, Japan, Spain, Croatia, and Poland. He’s the author of 64 novels, over 250 stories, and 2 screenplays, and the editor of 40 anthologies. His work has been translated into 25 languages.

The fate of the world itself hangs in the balance when the Third Reich summons super soldiers from hell to fight on their side. Now it’s up to Albert Einstein to engage his arch-nemesis Heinrich Himmler in a battle of sorcery that may well determine the outcome of World War II. With a little help from America’s greatest warrior — Eleanor Roosevelt.

Here’s an excerpt:

Mein Gott, you’re big!” exclaimed Himmler as he looked at the army Satan had supplied.

There were thirteen of them, each blond and blue eyed, each armed with a magical scimitar (which is kind of like a curved lightsaber, but effective rather than pretty), each ten feet tall, each wearing naught but a leather kilt.

Ow!” cried the nearest as his head bumped against the ceiling, an action and a cry that was repeated twelve more times up and down the line.

“Duck your heads, dummkopfs!” snapped Himmler.

“We bow to no one!” thundered one of them. “We’ll raise the ceiling!”

So saying, he lifted his magical scimitar and punched a hole in the ceiling.

“You see?” he said with a smile. “There is nothing to it.”

Well, he tried to say “There is nothing to it,” but somewhere between “There” and “is” a huge wooden desk fell through the hole and crashed onto his head. He collapsed beneath it, shoved it off to a side, and got groggily to his feet.

“Maybe I should have sacrificed two newts,” muttered Himmler.

P.S. I promise, the next few stories I’ll be unveiling feature absolutely no Nazis whatsoever.