H. G. Wells, Secret Agent humor steampunk novella, coming in July 2015

June 12, 2015

I’m happy to share the cover of my upcoming humor novella, designed by the very talented Jay O’Connell:

HGWellsCover

Blurb:

H. G. Wells is a Victorian-era James Bond who must defend England and the world against time travelers, alien incursions and interdimensional threats (if he can learn quickly on the job, and survive the human foes he encounters, that is!)

During his missions, Wells will alternately team up with Anton Chekhov to foil an assassination plot against Prince Nicholas Romanov of Russia, oversee the construction of the giant antenna designed to detect alien invasion fleets (or, as we know it, the Eiffel Tower), rub shoulders with the likes of Arthur Conan Doyle, Marie Curie, Jules Verne and Annie Oakley, and risk everything to encourage cooperation amongst the world’s most powerful intelligence agencies.

This humorous steampunk novella is filled with Easter eggs and British pop-culture references, from The Beatles and Ian Fleming to Douglas Adams and Dr. Who.

What makes this story different:

Every single named character, from the titular Herbert Wells to the lowest gate guard, is based on a real historical personage who could have conceivably been found at the time and place of the story (which spans from 1887 to 1889.) Although the individuals the characters are based on happen to be real, the story is riddled with intentional anachronisms.

Wells, who is the newest agent of a Torchwood-like organization, wears a Babel Fish translator device, travels in the yellow submarine, and rubs shoulders with some of the most iconic individuals from the late nineteenth century.

Here’s a brief sample. Wells is at a party at the Hermitage Palace in St. Petersburg.

Sample:

Back in the Armorial Hall, Wells sought to soothe his bruised ego with strong spirits. He approached one of several bars set up for the guests. He waited for the bartender to finish serving a glass of sparkling wine to an attractive blonde.

“Have you got any gin?” Wells asked.

The bartender shook his head. “Vodka,” he said curtly. “Seven different flavors.”

“Obviously,” said Wells. “Very well. I’ll have a vodka mixed with a shot of the Kina Lillet you’ve got over there.” Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the blonde watching him with interest. Perhaps this day wasn’t entirely ruined yet. “This mixture is my own invention; I’m going to patent it when I think of a good name. Make sure it’s stirred, not shaken. Wouldn’t want the drink to be weak.”

He turned toward the blonde and flashed his best smile. “My name is Wells. Herbert Wells.”

The blonde giggled and walked off, carrying her glass. Wells sighed as he watched her go. Things really weren’t working out in the way he had imagined. He waited for his drink, composing excuses for Ministra MacLean in his head. His first mission for the Ministry was shaping up to be his last.

Wells took a swig of the proffered cocktail and coughed violently. The drink turned out to be far more potent than he had anticipated.

“You should have added lemon to that. I take a slice whenever I have to drink Cognac. Makes the vile stuff taste almost tolerable.”

Wells looked up at the man advising him, and swallowed the biting remark he was about to make. Standing in front of him was the heir to the Russian throne.

Annotations:

Readers familiar with Ian Fleming’s work may note that Wells is trying to pull a James Bond here. I couldn’t have him order a Martini because this drink hadn’t been invented yet in 1887, but Fleming was very helpful in that he wrote the line, which I steal wholesale, where Bond orders what becomes known as a Vesper Martini.

There are lots of Easter egg moments in the story where dialog or exposition are a nod to some pop culture or historical reference. For those interested in seeing if they caught them all, I’m providing a complete list of annotations after the story, which will also include some relevant images as well.

#SFWAPro

H. G. Wells, Secret Agent is slated for the release as an e-book in July.

 

 


The Hook: The Clockwork Crown by Beth Cato

June 9, 2015

ClockworkCrown_331x500

The Hook:

As she rode through the snowy wilderness of far southern Caskentia, Octavia Leander’s spirits were buoyed by three thoughts: that although she fled from assassination and capture, she was undoubtedly in one of the most beautiful places she had ever seen; that thus far they had survived a full week without any sign of pursuit by horse or buzzer; and that her companion in the hard journey was Alonzo Garret, a man who had forfeited his career as a Clockwork Dagger–and possibly his life–in order to keep her alive.

Considering the dire circumstances, he made for delightful company.

Alonzo rode ahead on a chestnut bay stallion, their gray pack horse following close behind. This far from civilization, the world was utterly quiet but for the jingling of tack, the horses’ breathing and the steady rhythm of their hooves, and the radiant life songs of the horses, Alonzo, and any wildlife within close range. In particular, she took comfort in the ever-present marching band brasses of Alonzo’s life essence; she would recognize his particular notes in any crowd.

Beth Cato writes:

This is the opening of my steampunk fantasy novel The Clockwork Crown, the sequel to The Clockwork Dagger. That book featured healer Octavia Leander caught in a vicious game of tug-of-war between her corrupt government of Caskentia and separatists in a desolate territory known as the Waste. It had a heavy dose of espionage, royal tragedy, airship travel, and cuteness in the form of little green gremlins.

Writing a sequel is intimidating. There’s immense pressure right away to establish the setting, characters, and the lingering plot issues from the previous book, and to do so without it being a boring info dump.

I opened the book with my heroine, Octavia, making three observations. This style of opening has now become a superstitious stand-by for me. I wrote an urban fantasy novel years ago that opened with three points like this; that book connected me with my agent, though it didn’t sell. I then had The Clockwork Dagger‘s first paragraph also start with three notes.

Yes, I continue this tradition with my next project, too. So far, each of these books has brought something awesome to my life and/or sold. Why mess with a good thing?

Here, I used that technique to introduce the stakes right away: Octavia and Alonzo are being hunted. Since a lot of world-building is necessary right away, I wanted to balance information with a high-tension action scene. You know that things have been uneventful for them for a week, but that’s going to change right away.

With the personal stakes established, I moved on to another important element of the books: Octavia’s magic. She’s a medician who draws her healing powers from a world tree known as the Lady. In the grand tradition of most leading characters, Octavia is abnormally powerful. When she is close to other people or animals, she hears their health in the form of song. Her magical talents are one reason why they are being hunted, and her abilities have gotten stronger over a very brief span of time. This is not a good thing.

Octavia’s insight also introduces Alonzo. I wanted to establish that there is chemistry between these characters and a potential romance, though that’s not the central point of the book. Survival is. In that, Octavia and Alonzo rely on each other and the unique skills they meld to form a solid team.

Until now, I didn’t realize how many plot threads I built into those first 180 words. Huh.

Really, these opening paragraphs are the last moments of peace Octavia and Alonzo will know for the next while. All hell is about to break loose, and I hope that readers enjoy the crazy ride.

Buy The Clockwork Crown on Amazon

About the author:

Beth Cato hails from Hanford, California, but currently writes and bakes cookies in a lair west of Phoenix, Arizona. She shares the household with a hockey-loving husband, a numbers-obsessed son, and a cat the size of a canned ham.

She’s the author of The Clockwork Dagger steampunk fantasy series from Harper Voyager. The newest book, The Clockwork Crown, comes out on June 9th, 2015.

Follow her at BethCato.com and on Twitter at @BethCato.

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#SFWAPro
If you’re an author with a book coming out soon and you wish to participate on The Hook, please read this.


The Hook: Seriously Wicked by Tina Connolly

May 5, 2015

seriously-wicked

The Hook

I was mucking out the dragon’s garage when the witch’s text popped up on my phone.

BRING ME A BIRD

“Ugh,” I said to Moonfire. “Here we go again.”

Tina Connolly writes:

Seriously Wicked is a lighthearted YA novel about a girl who lives with a “seriously wicked” witch. Cam’s voice just popped into my head one day and the whole novel spilled out.

Now, there was lots of rewriting, of course! I wrote the first draft of this book before Ironskin. Seriously Wicked was my fifth completed novel, and the first what I thought of as a “really-truly” novel, a full-length novel I believed in and loved. Still, Seriously Wicked was my fifth novel, and Silverblind (my most recently-written novel, that came out Oct 2014) was my tenth. So, I like to think I’ve learned a little bit.

And one thing that happened with Seriously Wicked is that I rewrote the beginning. Again and again. Oh, right, and did I say again? Yes. Again. I kept coming back to this book between later novels and rewriting the whole novel, but particularly the beginning, because as we all know, your opening has to work very very hard to set the stage and tone and characters and hook the reader and everything else.

For fun, I thought I’d show you how much better the beginning got over time:

Draft 1. Book title: HOW I STOPPED THE WITCH WHO ATE MANHATTAN

Chapter One: Introduction To Me, aka CASH

Look. Say you’re a girl. And say someday you grow up and decide to be preggers. When you’re carrying around an innocent little baby with blue eyes and a kinda smooshed nose that everyone says someday she’ll grow into, then for the love of pete, do not under any circumstances say you just gotta have pickles dipped in chocolate.

Note: This is a terrible opening. I have no idea who CASH is. Also, as a reader, I don’t want to be accused of being A) a girl, B) preggers, and C) liking pickles and chocolate. The only thing good I can say about this opening is that putting these words down on the page made all the other words follow in a flood.

#

Draft 2. Book title: WITCH GIRL HEARTS DEMON BOY

Chapter One: Hot Seat

If you think your life stinks because you have to take out the recycling or vacuum your room or something normal like that, then listen up.

Every morning before school I got to start by collecting the dragon’s milk and mucking out her living quarters. There aren’t many dragons left, if any, but there’s one for sure living out back in the detached RV garage, big and warm and smelling of regret. The witch says one girl dragon doesn’t make any more noise than a chicken, and those are legal in the city, so so far she’s gotten away with it.

Note: Significantly better, but the opening sentence is still a bit aggressive (READER LET ME MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT YOU), and then we talk about dragons for awhile and I’m starting to wonder how long this is going on. (Note: It goes on for PAGES. Cam tells you about EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER MORNING CHORES.)

#

Draft 78 (approximately). Book title: SERIOUSLY WICKED

Chapter One: Girl on Fire

If you think your life stinks because your musical mom makes you practice violin three hours a day even though you’re tone deaf, or your athletic dad makes you stay on the high school diving team even though your best dive is a bellyflop, then listen up.

Here’s what it’s like to live with a witch.

Every morning at 4:55 AM I drag my weary butt out of bed and head straight for the choreboard. The choreboard is a shiny list of magical tasks the witch wants me to do to “understand true witchery” or something, and if I haven’t done every one by the time I leave for school, it magically slices my thumbs with papercuts.

Note: Not really better. Going backwards, I think. Ever heard the advice not to start with your character waking up? Okay then.

#

Draft 233 (approximately). Book title: SERIOUSLY WICKED

Chapter One: Girl on Fire

4:55 in the horrible, horrible A.M., and once again I was staring at a whiteboard framed in gilded wood carved with toothy serpents. A peeling office label on the bottom proclaimed: Chores by Which One Must Understand True Witchery.

The toothbrush dangled from my mouth while I pressed the label back down, picked up the dry-erase marker, and marked off, “Werewolf pup—feed and take outside” with a big red X.

Then yelped as the choreboard gave me a papercut on my thumb.

Note: I rather like this setting, but it brings up weird questions (how does a choreboard give you a papercut? It’s magical, okay? GO WITH IT) and you don’t want the reader having weird papercut-related questions on the first page. Also, she’s still basically just waking up and going through her chores. I do like the juxtaposition between the whiteboard/office labels and witchy things.

#

And then finally (FINALLY!) we get to the real one. The final one.

SERIOUSLY WICKED

Chapter One: TRUE WITCHERY

I was mucking out the dragon’s garage when the witch’s text popped up on my phone.

BRING ME A BIRD

“Ugh,” I said to Moonfire. “Here we go again.”

Note: I kept the most important chore (mucking out the dragon’s RV garage) and then we jump RIGHT TO THE CONFLICT WITH THE WITCH. No detailed explanation of every single one of Cam’s magical chores. No weird musings about papercuts or pickles. It still establishes the humor in the story, which partly comes from the juxtaposition of magic and mundanity: dragons living in garages, a wicked witch who sends her demands by text (the witch is a big texter.) It still establishes that Cam has to work. A lot. And then: Cam brings the witch a bird and the witch tells her she’s planning to take over the world. Just a normal Tuesday.

Buy Seriously Wicked on Amazon

About the author:

Tina Connolly is the Nebula-nominated author of the Ironskin trilogy from Tor Books. Her next book, Seriously Wicked, comes out May 5th from Tor Teen. Her stories have appeared in Women Destroy SF, Lightspeed, Tor.com, Strange Horizons, UFO 3, and many more. Her narrations have appeared in podcasts including Podcastle, Pseudopod, and Beneath Ceaseless Skies, and she recently recorded the audiobook for Alex Shvartsman’s Explaining Cthulhu to Grandma, which is available on Amazon. She runs the Parsec-winning flash fiction podcast Toasted Cake.

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If you’re an author with a book coming out soon and you wish to participate on The Hook, please read this.


UFO4 Cover Reveal, Submission Guidelines, Headliners

February 13, 2015

At long last, here’s the info about UFO4:

image description

The cover is by Tomasz Marosnki (the same artist who drew the UFO3 cover.)

Unlike the previous volumes, UFO4 will be themed. The theme of this anthology is: dark humor.

As with previous UFO volumes, this book will feature 2 reprints and all-original material for the rest. The headliners are attached to the project are listed below:

George R.R. Martin – “The Monkey Treatment” reprint

Neil Gaiman – “We Can Get Them For You Wholesale” reprint

Esther Friesner – “The Match Game”

Piers Anthony – “Hello Hotel”

Other headliners that have agreed to write original stories for this volume include:

Mike Resnick – Gini Koch – Tim Pratt – Jody Lynn Nye – Karen Haber

Submission guidelines are now posted. We’ve raised our pay rate to $0.07 per word for original fiction.

There will be a Kickstarter campaign launched sometime in early March. As with previous volumes, the book will be published regardless of the crowdfunding campaign’s success. However, a successful campaign will allow us to purchase more stories, include interior illustrations and otherwise maintain and improve the annual series.

Some of the notable changes from previous volumes:

* Themed volume (see above)

* Maximum story length is 5000 words.

* One submission per author.

Hope to see many great stories from all of you!

#SFWAPro

 


Baltimore Book Festival

September 24, 2014

bbf

I will be attending the Baltimore Book Festival this weekend. There will be panels, a reading, and lots and lots of signing (or, at a minimum, sitting around hoping to sign something). Here’s my schedule:

 

Friday 2:00-3:00 Writing about social justice in science fiction and fantasy.

Join our panel to talk about science fiction that revolves around issues of social justice here on Earth–and elsewhere. From Ursula Le Guin’s tour de force novel The Dispossessed to the works of MacArthur Fellow Octavia Butler through a plethora of other writers, science fiction and fantasy authors have never shied away from stories that tackled issues of social justice. Talk with our panelists about their favorite examples and yours.

Panelists: Anne K. Gray, Alma Katsu, Sunny Moraine, Alex Shvartsman, Fran Wilde

 

Friday 3:00-4:00 Signing

 

Saturday 1:00-2:00 Signing

 

Saturday 3:00-4:00. Short stories: What’s trending and who are the hot new authors in science fiction and fantasy?

The title says it all! Join our panel of writers to hear about the field of short fiction in SF and fantasy. Science fiction and fantasy have a rich history of short fiction and more ways than ever for readers to find stories.

Panelists: Danielle Ackley-McPhail, Brenda Clough, Jim Johnson, John Maclay, Alex Shvartsman

 

Sunday 2:00-3:00 Signing

 

Sunday 4:00-6:00 Reading

(Note: I won’t be reading for 2 hours. There will be four authors, each reading for 30 minutes.)

 

Saturday 5:30 -7:00 Reception and Meet & Greet with authors, music, and food

Join the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America at our reception, autographing session, and Meet and Greet with our program participants at the Baltimore Book Festival.

Danielle Ackley-McPhail, Jeanne Adams, Jill Archer, Catherine Asaro, Jack Clemons, Brenda Clough, Scott Edelman, Charles Gannon, Ronald Garner, Em Garner, Herb Gilliland, Anne K Gray, Elektra Hammond, Justina Ireland, Jim Johnson, Alma Katsu, Cheryl Klam, L. Jagi Lamplighter, John Maclay, Marrisa Meyer, Sunny Moraine, Christine Norris, Ellen Oh, Sarah Pinsker, Caroline Richmond, Don Sakers, Karen Sandler, Peggy Rae Sapienza, Rori Shay, Alex Shvartsman, Dawnyell Snyder, Bud Sparhawk, John Tilden, Mike Underwood, Jean Marie Ward, Fran Wilde, Ilene Wong, Karlo Yeager #SFWAPro

 

All of these events will be taking place in or near the SFWA tent. If you plan on attending the festival, please stop by and say hello!

 

 


Moving Forward

March 9, 2014

paypal-here

The trope of a Faceless Evil Corporation oppressing an everyman is all too common these days. It is perpetuated by movies and television. News of such an event can spread like wildfire online, as was the case with my own recent debacle. It is, in fact, so entrenched in our cultural psyche that any experience contrary to this trope might be met with suspicion and outright disbelief.

We tend to forget that corporations are often comprised of smart, motivated people who almost never own sharks with lasers attached to their heads, and are far more likely to go an extra mile to do something good than to twirl their mustaches while thinking of ways to frack for oil under your house.

I was recently a recipient of an act of kindness by a group of employees from three different companies, and I want to share that story.

If you aren’t already familiar with my e-commerce adventures, you might want to start by reading these posts:

1) Screwed By Square
2) Fair and Square

It has now been almost a month since the Square fiasco.  A few days after that second post I did finally get to speak to several folks from Square on a teleconference call. They wanted to hear my side of the story and figure out how to avoid similar calamities in the future.

Recently they reached out to let me know that, partially due to what happened in my case, they rolled out a Seller Protection Program.

Unfortunately, this program is rather toothless at this point. There is a long list of items that aren’t covered under the High Risk Goods section. It includes “electronics, collectibles, pre-ordered goods,” and much more. I wouldn’t have been covered under this program. Neither would most merchants selling the sort of items that might appeal to credit card thieves. Still, I’m glad that Square is beginning to move in the right direction on this, and hope they won’t stop at a half-measure.

Much of the attention has been focused on the chargebacks, but the greater issue to me has always been the fact that my account was dropped without notice, despite an otherwise-exemplary record. My web store, built and hosted with Square, went dark with no immediate substitute available.

This is where PayPal stepped in. They reached out to me, after hearing my story, and asked what they could do to help. I explained that I’ve been a PayPal user since almost Day 1, but didn’t have the skills necessary to install a PayPal-based shopping cart. The advantage of Square was that they offered a way for someone like me to sell products online without spending a lot of time or money to develop a sophisticated e-commerce site. I asked if they might be working on a solution similar to Square’s that I could adopt? Alternatively, I was prepared to have someone do a professional install of a shopping cart on my web site (a service for which I was quoted a price of $500).

pph

I was blown away by their generosity. PayPal offered to have their developers install the shopping cart for me, free of charge *and* to provide my store with a physical PayPal Here terminal to handle the in-person transactions. But they ended up doing even more than that!

PayPal teamed up with Wix and Ecwid to help my store completely rebuild and re-launch its web site. What’s more, they proved that even a very casual user with limited or non-existent programming skills can do the same.

Our original web site hasn’t changed in twelve years. Designed by a friend way back when we first opened the store, it was long past its prime, a PHP dinosaur held together with duct tape and stubbornness.

wixEnter Wix.com. These guys created a web design platform that allows their users to build very sophisticated web sites–with things like scrolling image galleries, app plug-ins, and blog tools–while knowing absolutely nothing about HTML.

The site building tool looks and feels more like Microsoft Publisher. You drag and drop different elements (which range from simple text boxes and contact forms to sophisticated blog and database elements. Everything is highly customizable, down to colors and shapes of the boxes.

A Wix expert helped us port the look and feel of the site, allowing us to keep our logos and color scheme while making the design way slicker.

When I was first shown the interface, I was very excited to play with it and have made numerous site changes on my own. This is definitely something a casual user can learn in only a few days, and there are lots of templates to help a newbie get started even faster. I’m still tinkering with the elements of it whenever I have a free minute, and learning more about its nifty features. I haven’t even gotten into the SEO features yet, but I fully intend to!

Thanks to Wix, my store’s web site went from this:

oldkg

To this:

newkgYou can also visit the live site, to see what I’m rambling about.

Another really important feature of a Wix site is that it’s very easy to integrate an Ecwid shopping cart into it. Which brings us to the second point:

ecwid1

An Ecwid shopping cart is another tool that can be set up by someone with zero programming experience.

There are many similarities between Wix and Ecwid in that both platforms are very customizable and offer an expert user great flexibility, but they are also simple and intuitive enough to allow a casual or new user to muddle through.

It’s very simple to create categories and add in products, and even link the same storefront through your Facebook page. Setting up shipping and tax tables is only slightly more complicated, but very doable. And if you want to adjust the look and feel of the site that’s a little bit more sophisticated, but still very achievable by a layperson.

One of my favorite features of the cart is coupon creation. You can set up very specific coupons and discounts, both by % of sale and a set $ value. You can have coupons be single-use or multiple use, and apply to specific items or categories. For example, right now I’m running a 20% off sale for all the UFO Publishing books listed on the site. The sale will last for only 48 hours, until end of day Tuesday, March 11. All you have to do is enter the coupon code UFO20 at checkout. (See how I snuck in an ad for my books there?)

And, of course, hooking in your PayPal account and setting up PayPal Express Checkout (which lets customers avoid the annoying process of creating Yet Another Account) is super easy!

paypal

Which brings us back to PayPal. After doing my research, I found them to be the only company to offer sufficient protection against chargebacks. As long as I follow a few simple instructions (ship the item to the address they provide via trackable means and with signature confirmation for orders over $250) they essentially insure the transaction, greatly reducing the risk for small businesses like mine.

Not to mention the fact that they masterminded this entire alliance to help me. You better believe I’ll be waving the PayPal card reader around at the upcoming conventions!

I’m enormously grateful to everyone at PayPal, Wix, and Ecwid who helped me. These very busy people took the time out of their schedules and worked together on this project. Representatives from three international corporations came together to help the little guy.

This update probably won’t get the kind of traction my original post did. It’s much easier to spread a story of being wronged by a company than a story of being helped by one (or three.) But I hope it does, because an act of kindness deserves at least as much recognition and praise as the attention given to an instance of poor customer service.


Fair and Square

February 13, 2014

dog

On the Internet, nobody knows you’re an underdog.

It has been a crazy 36 hours for me.  I wrote a blog post about my poor experience with Square yesterday morning, and shared it on my Twitter and Facebook accounts. It got shared and retweeted a handful of times by my friends, and even a few strangers, which was pretty much the life cycle I expected of it.  But then, it kept getting shared by more and more people, until my Twitter Interactions feed was updating literally every few seconds.  The story got picked up by Hacker News, then reposted by Valleywag/Gawker. Since then it has also appeared in Business Insider and other media outlets. My inbox is inundated with requests for comment or permission-to-repost from various online media sites.

Tons of people wrote to me or posted  in the comments. Their responses ranged from sharing their own bad experiences with the credit card processing industry at large, to suggesting services and credit card processors they are happy with, to great advice about steps my store can take to prevent fraudulent transactions in the future.  In all, over 28,000 people read the original post so far, and that’s not counting the versions up on Valleywag and elsewhere.

As I tried to work while watching this thing explode on the Internet yesterday, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would prompt a direct response from Square. And it did.

Just before 5pm, a gentleman from Square Customer Support team called me at the store. We spoke for about ten minutes. The conversation did not go well.

First of all, he informed me that Square did, indeed, attempt to fight the chargebacks on my behalf, but that they lost those cases. I was told that they were going to inform me of this via e-mail “soon,” but since I expressed a strong desire to learn the fate of these transactions on Twitter, I was being given a more immediate update by phone.

Losing the chargebacks does suck, but I could accept that, if all the other parts of this scenario had played out differently. My real issue was with the lack of communication, which I expressed to him, and he acknowledged that they could have done better in that regard, and are working on improving that aspect of their business.

Then the conversation got around to the cancellation of the store’s account. He started off by explaining that collectibles are a high-risk sort of item with lots of fraud potential, and that they planned on disallowing the sale of this type of item via Square e-commerce portal in the future. Which is interesting, because how exactly do you define a collectible, and who is going to evaluate listings and enforce this policy? According to Wikipedia, the only type of  items Square currently disallows to be sold using their service are firearms.

Then he offered to provide me with some “helpful information on how to detect/avoid fraudulent online transactions in the future”. Umm, OK.

Look, Square, if you possess such valuable and useful information then perhaps it might be a good idea to just make it available on your web site for all your merchants to peruse. You know, for the sake of humanity?

But it was the next thing he said that floored me.  He told me that, while my store wouldn’t be able to continue to accept Square payments online, they would allow us to use the Square reader device in-store and for other in-person transactions.

Really, Square? Really? Isn’t it a little like breaking up with someone over text message, and then magnanimously suggesting that you’d be willing to still be friends with them?

I could have had a field day with this suggestion, but I didn’t. After all, it wasn’t this poor guy’s fault. He drew the short straw of delivering bad news to an already irate customer. He had no actual good news to offer me, and he knew it. So, instead of taking out my frustration on him, I explained as calmly as I could manage the ways in which their decision to cancel my account without notice screwed over my business, and how all of this could have been avoided with a simple “Hey, we’re sorry, but we aren’t comfortable processing your transactions. Why don’t you go ahead and take a week or two to set up a replacement, so you don’t lose a metric ton of business while the e-commerce site you’ve been advertising to all your customers for a year is suddenly taken down.”

Once again, he acknowledged that they could have handled all of this better. Then I thanked him for the call, and got off the phone.

Shortly after I got home form work, one of my employees called to let me know that someone else from Square had tried to reach me. This gentleman left a toll-free number and a twelve-digit pin code, and asked that I call him back. He said that he would also leave a note with an operator to forward my call, in case the pin didn’t work (I guess this happens often enough to warrant the backup plan.) I immediately tried to call him back, and, sure enough, the pin didn’t work.

Their toll-free number gives you three chances to input the pin. If you enter an invalid pin three times, it hangs up on you. I’ve tried pressing zero, and pound, and thinking positive thoughts at it, but there was no way to reach an operator.

Now that I had a name of the person who actually wanted to talk to me at Square, I wasn’t about to give up easily. I tweeted at their account, in case whoever was manning it would get the message across. I e-mailed them through the web form. I also Googled their company and, after a few minutes of searching, found their corporate phone number. When I called it, it asked me to enter the extension of the person I was trying to reach. Once again, I found no way to get to a live operator.

I was beginning to suspect that I was either trapped in an absurdist science fiction story, or these guys really didn’t like telemarketers. Or both.

My frustration was greatly tempered by an amazing outpouring of support from the online community. People kept spreading the story. They offered emotional support as well as information and advice on how to proceed. I spoke to several competent web designers about setting up a more traditional shopping cart. Several companies offered their services for processing online transactions. Shopify generously offered to waive six months worth of fees at their Unlimited account level (that’s almost $1000), if I wanted to try their service. I spoke to a very nice Market Development manager at PayPal in New York, who asked what they can do to help my business, and then set up an  appointment to come to see my store in person the next day. And, being an eternal optimist, I still hoped that this second phone call from Square would eventually bring better news.

It felt like the entire Internet briefly forgot how to argue and troll, and just decided to be nice to me. I went to bed exhausted by the events of this day, but in a much better mood.

In the morning I woke up and checked my email. The subject of one of them read:

Square has sent you $2,280.78

Square has initiated a wire transfer to our bank account of, what I assume, is a full amount of disputed transactions less their standard 2.75% fee.

At this point, I don’t know if they managed to convince the credit card companies to cover these chargebacks after all, or if they decided to pay it out of their own pocket. I still haven’t managed to speak to that second person from Square (although I did finally get an e-mail from him late this evening, asking for a number where I can be reached tomorrow, so this conversation is likely going to take place.) The fact of the matter is that they did act to address this situation and help my store out of this jam.

There are lots of fascinating ethics problems here. As a self-interested individual, I’m obviously thrilled to have my money back. But is this resolution fair? Should I have expected far less, given how often merchants lose chargeback cases, out there in the real world? Should I have expected more, given the additional loss of business and the fact that our account is still cancelled, not because we did something wrong but due to the cold equations of risk management? And if Square covered the loss, is this fair to them? Or have I leveraged the power of social media to extort a favorable resolution?

My good fortune for the day didn’t end there. I met with a pair of very enthusiastic and kind folks from PayPal, who took the cab from the city all the way to South Brooklyn to visit my store and listen to my story, then set out to see what they could do to help on their end.

They offered to set up a PayPal-based shopping cart on our site at their cost (a service that would have set me back $500 had I hired a freelance programmer to do it, based on a quote I obtained yesterday), and to also set up a PayPal Here-enabled POS terminal for our in-store transactions. They were genuinely excited to be able to help us grow our business in partnership with them, even if our store is tiny compared to their volume of business. One of them will return next week, to help us set up this terminal and train our staff to use it.

The goal of this follow-up post isn’t to bash Square for their lack of transparency, nor it is to praise them for their quick and decisive action regarding the disputed funds. It isn’t even to shill for Shopify and PayPal, although their willingness to step in and help deserves  to be recognized.

It’s to thank the online community.

If this conundrum happened before the age of social media; if dozens or even hundreds of people didn’t feel this story deserved being shared with their friends and co-workers, if blogs and aggregator sites and online reporters didn’t find my plight compelling enough to cover, I would have never achieved this outcome.

Internet isn’t just a vast repository of baby photos and cat memes. It’s an enormously powerful social engine that can, and often does, empower the little guy. On the Internet, nobody knows you’re an underdog, because with a few clicks of a mouse the netizens can make your voice heard as loudly as that of a major corporation.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I now return you to the regularly scheduled cat meme.


Screwed by Square

February 11, 2014

squarereader

In addition to making the small bucks as a science fiction writer, I have a day job. I run a game store which hosts events and serves the local community here in Brooklyn, but also sells games and collectibles online and at shows/conventions.

When Square came out with their portable credit card reader, I was very excited to adopt this technology. In exchange for a little under 3% of each transaction, they provided a way to turn my cell phone and my iPad into credit card machines. Portable, convenient, reliable. What’s not to like?

I loved the product. I carried the Square reader with me any time I traveled to events, and used it to complete hundreds of transactions. I told everyone who would listen how it was the best thing since sliced bread.  When the regular credit card terminal at my store broke down, I used Square while waiting for a replacement terminal to arrive.

“Wouldn’t it be great,” I mused, “if Square added a way to accept credit cards online, so I could use them for e-commerce, too.” And, sure enough, they did. It was easy to use, and I eagerly set up their service as the way to process all orders on my store’s web site. This was in July of 2013, and for a few months everything was good. Then the trouble began.

In November 2013, someone used stolen credit card numbers to place several large orders on my site.  Before I or anyone else caught on, my staff ended up shipping approximately $1800 worth of trading cards to different addresses provided by these thieves. The addresses weren’t even in the same state, and the transactions weren’t so out of line with other orders placed through the site for us to become suspicious.

The first time I knew there was a problem was in mid-November, when I received two chargeback notices from Square, totaling nearly $1200.  Here’s what a chargeback means: A consumer finds fraudulent transactions on their credit card and notifies the credit card company. They then contact the processor (in this case, Square), and Square holds the money in escrow while they investigate the incident.

Unfortunately, credit card fraud is a relatively common problem. I deal with occasional chargebacks in-store, and through PayPal for our eBay transactions. In all PayPal cases, I have been able to get my money back once I provided proof that we shipped the item where we were supposed to, with tracking and delivery confirmation. Resolving such a case typically takes from a few days to a few weeks.

Square has a slightly different procedure. For each chargeback, they provided a link asking me to fill out a survey and provide supporting data such as invoices, receipts, and communications with the buyer. None of which I had, since the entire transaction was handled online, directly through Square. That’s OK though — their FAQ suggests that even without additional documentation, they will represent the seller and try to resolve the dispute on their end — just like PayPal would.

Unlike PayPal however, it seemed that they just withdrew the disputed funds from my store’s bank account, without any additional follow-up.

I wanted to call and speak to their fraud prevention department in order to figure out how we can best comply with their policies to avoid future problems. That’s when I discovered that Square didn’t really want to talk to me. At least not on the phone.

They don’t have a phone number listed on their web site. A Google search unearthed a number, but it was literally nothing but a recording, directing the listener to go to their web site. So to the website I went, sending them the following message through their web form:

Hello,

We use Square to process all orders on our web site, and in the last 2 weeks or so we had two large chargebacks (over $1000 total!). I was hoping to speak to someone to find out about the status of the dispute on these, as well as figure out if there’s a way to better protect ourselves from future chargebacks. The orders are taken via web so we do not interact with the customer directly or have copies of the credit card or much additional info — like with any online transaction. I wanted to make certain that it’s safe for us to continue accepting large orders via Square.

Thanks very much in advance!

Sincerely,

Alex Shvartsman

It took almost a week for them to respond. On December 2, I received the following reply (emphasis mine):

Thanks for writing in. At this time, we do not provide live phone support. Our Support team operates over email in order to serve you most effectively. We also need to keep all communication with our merchants documented in writing.

Thanks for providing the requested information and documentation. We will respond to your customer’s billing disputes on your behalf and hope to receive a resolution soon. We will notify you once we’ve received a decision from your customer’s bank. Please note that it may take up to 90 business days to resolve these disputes, but we will provide updates throughout this process.

Please visit our Help Center if you would like further information around the dispute process: https://squareup.com/help/en-us/article/3882-understanding-chargebacks

If you have further questions, feel free to reply to this email. We would be glad to help.

At this point there was already a third chargeback, for a grand total of nearly $1800. We caught and canceled a couple more orders that looked suspicious, avoiding some further pain.

$1800 is a lot of money to me. What’s worse, these items are sold on incredibly low margins. After the wholesale cost, shipping, and processing fees, I make approximately $5 in net profit for each $90 box of trading cards sold. (And that’s not counting fixed costs!) So an $1800 loss wipes out profits from literally tens of thousands of dollars in sales.

Much of this is my fault. As the online sales portion of my store kept growing, I should have set up a more reliable e-commerce solution by now. But I liked Square. They were a scrappy young company providing a cool service, and I wanted to be along for the ride. They were the good guys. They said they’d take care of this (or at least do their best). And so I continued to use Square to process all orders on my web site (with no further problems, I might add), and I waited.

Late last week, I received another chargeback. It wasn’t for a recent transaction, but for another order that took place back in November and was, no doubt, part of the same problem as the three others. When I came into work on Monday, one of the first things I did was to fill out their chargeback response form again. Less than two hours later, I received the following e-mail:

Hello Alex,

Our Account Services team has concluded a review of your account and has determined it to be high risk. For security purposes, we have elected to deactivate your Square account. From the date of this letter forward, you will not be able to process credit card transactions using Square.

To learn more about Square’s Seller Agreement and terminations, please visit: Seller Agreement.

Any funds currently in your account will be deposited to your linked bank account within 1 – 2 business days. Typically funds will be shown in your account the following business day after they have been deposited, but keep in mind that each bank’s policies are different so it may take a little longer. You’ll receive an email as soon these funds have been sent to your bank.

For security reasons, we cannot divulge the reason for your account termination. We apologize for the inconvenience, but our decision is final.

Thank you for understanding.

Sincerely,

Square Account Services

So not only has Square done nothing so far to help me resolve these chargebacks, not only did they withdraw 100% of the funds in question from my bank account, but they also punished me for being a victim of fraud by shutting down my account without advance notice, even though I have processed hundreds of legitimate transactions with them before and since this incident.

I’m out over $2300 to date, but this will end up costing me even more money in lost business. This Monday alone, my employees and I packed and shipped out approximately 250 orders we received through eBay and other seller portals over the weekend. Each of those shipped orders included a flyer inviting our customers to visit our Square-supported site. Those of them who might, will find that they can no longer place orders with us there, and we’ll most likely lose their repeat business. We’re now scrambling to get a PayPal shopping cart installed on the site, but that will take some time.

Meanwhile, it has been nearly 90 days since the initial chargeback was initiated through Square. I received none of the “updates throughout the process” that they promised. There is no way to view any sort of info regarding disputed transactions on the Square web site.

At this point, I’m far from optimistic about any sort of positive resolution. I’m posting this as a cautionary tale for anyone who might consider using Square for any larger-scale transactions, such as e-commerce. They created a cool, innovative product, but it seems that, as they rapidly grew as a company, they failed to build a robust customer service department or even a reliable way to communicate well with their own merchants.

As to the ability to swipe credit cards on the go, there are now many other companies providing that service. I’ll just have to move on, poorer for the experience.

paypal-here#SFWAPro

Read the sequels to this post and the Square saga:

Fair and Square

Moving Forward


Market Report: Waylines

January 30, 2014

Click here for detailed guidelines.

Genres: Speculative Fiction

Length: 1000-6000 words

Pay rate: $0.06 per word

Market report column usually features brand-new markets, but Waylines, which has been around for a year now, is in the midst of a crowdfundung campaign to help fund it’s second year, and I would like to take an opportunity to promote and support this fine market by featuring them here. To that end, I have interviewed editor-in-chief Darryl Knickrehm. In a funny bit of coincidence, I’m running this post on his birthday. Happy birthday, Darryl! #SFWAPro

###

You’re based in Japan. How does the Japanese SF/F fandom differ from the British and American communities?

In Japan, the sci-fi and fantasy communities are kind of rolled in with the anime community (or the general ‘otaku’). While there is an active SF fiction community here, my Japanese isn’t really good enough to read a whole novel, so I’m not familiar with that side of sci-fi in Japan. I think the more well-known sci-fi here comes from manga (Japanese comics). Visual stories, like comics, don’t have the stigma here that they do back in the States. Manga are stories for everyone, and practically everyone reads them. While series like Gantz and Attack on Titan are really popular here (being made into animation and feature films), those aren’t really my cup of tea. My personal favorite is Akira by Katsuhiro Otomo.

There are a number of English-language science fiction writers who are perhaps more popular in Russia than they are in their home countries (kind of like David Hasselhoff is more popular in Germany than he is in the US). Who are some of the most popular English-language SF/F writers in Japan? Any surprises on that list?

To the best of my knowledge there aren’t any David Hasselhoffs in the sci-fi fiction world here, but like I said, I’m not good enough at Japanese to really be considered a reader here. Translations of the sci-fi gods are easy to find in any book store, writers like Dick and Bradbury. And the larger bookstores often have a decent imported book section, usually carrying a healthy selection of the most current spec fiction authors. I have a feeling, however, a majority of the books being read are by Japanese authors. I rarely see someone reading a ‘western’ book unless they are studying English. The are the rare exceptions, like “The Da Vinci Code”, Harry Potter, and other international phenomenons.

What are some of the most unexpected lessons you’ve learned from running Waylines for the first year? Will you change anything for year two, and how?

There were a number of things that both David and I were unprepared for in the first Year of Waylines. One was the amount of submissions that we received. We both expected a large amount of submissions, as we had researched how other online magazines were run. But we didn’t quite expect the amount that we ended up getting — well over 2000. And since one of the things we wanted to do with Waylines was to provide some feedback to readers, it made things a bit of a challenge to say the least. For Year Two, we’re preparing ahead. We’ll be making the submission windows smaller, so that we can better deal the deluge of stories. Also, Dawn Bonnano, Waylines’ new Managing Editor, has proven to be very organized, ahead of the curve, and has been creatively coming up with solutions the last few months. We’re ready for all those wonderful subs!

The one thing that was most difficult for me, was the amount of artwork I had to do. I guess I just never thought about it before we started, but I had to draw 6 covers, illustrate 14 stories, and arrange 18 film page designs. And I’m just learning how to do this! It’s been a great experience though. I’ve been studying art in my free time since I was a kid, but doing the magazine has forced me to advance rapidly, which is great. For Year Two, I was originally hoping to open submissions for cover illustrations (and I still may), but nixed the idea as it would make the budget even larger than it is. I’ve also been trying to get ahead of the game and have done a number of illustrations in the past 6 months which I may be able to use for covers.

How would you describe a “Waylines” short story? What do you feel differentiates what you publish from stories that can be found in other magazines?

Our stories seem to diverge in two directions: really dark, or really light. I guess that is a direct influence of the material that has had a huge influence on me (things like the original Twilight Zone and the original Heavy Metal Magazine). And I think that is what makes our choices slightly different from other magazines out there — Waylines is the baby of US, European, Japanese and British Sci-fi in every format, from novels to films to comics. So it’s a bit of a strange place. It’s a bit of a walk on the weird side. There’s only one place like the Waylines.

It’s taken a while to get the Waylines vibe down for stories, however. When we started, David and I knew what we wanted but just couldn’t put it into words. But there have been a number of things I’ve always looked for in stories. First, and most important, is a good story. The story needs to be structured in a creative way, yet needs to keep the plot moving. Equally important is the concept. It needs something that is intriguing, entertaining, or moving. Lastly, and certainly not least, is a certain depth to what’s being said with the story. If it has some kind of insight in to the human condition, society or greater issues, then, well, it’s going to be right up our alley.

Do you publish lighter, or outright humorous stories? What sort of humor works or doesn’t work for your tastes?

Humor is an important part of Waylines. From Jeremy Sim’s “Fleep” in Issue 1 to Andrew S. Williams’ “Best Regards” in our last issue, I love to have a little bit of humor in every issue. But I don’t think every type of humor is a right fit for Waylines. I’ve always thought timing is what makes things funny, so low-brow humor or obnoxious jokes probably won’t go over to well in our Slush Rooms. Things that are subdued, subtle, or dry-witted might be a good fit. Things that go to the limits of the opposite direct, things that are way over the top, but also jab at a certain topic, are perfect for us too.

Your editorial staff is spread all over the world. Who else is on the Waylines team? How do all of you collaborate to put the magazine together?

Technology is great. Because of it Waylines has a dedicated staff around the globe. From our headquarters here in Japan, to The States and all the way to England, we are everywhere (our ulterior motive is world domination, after all). And because of email and Facebook we can stay in touch, talk about stories, and do everything else we need to do to get Waylines out on time each issue. Ironically, I’ve not actually met any of the other staff! Man, I can’t wait for transporters to be invented.

For Year Two, our staff has expanded and decreased, shifted and stayed as is. For one, David has sadly left the magazine. So I’ll be handling the editor-in-chief position alone. Dawn Bonnano, has moved up from a first reader to the Managing Editor. She started out on Issue 6 and has done an amazing job so far. Year Two will be even better I’m sure. Also, Beth Cato has moved up from the first reader ranks to becoming our first Poetry Editor.

And last, and certainly not least, is Alisa Alering, in charge of The Writers Room. She’ll be back again, along with the rest of our first readers (plus 2 more, coming soon).

What’s your slush process, and what is your estimated response time?

Stories go to a First Reader. If the piece has something that we might be interested in, then it gets sent up to the 2nd Round. I then take a read through all the stories there and the ones that really pique my interest go up to the Final Round. From there, the 3 stories that go into an issue are chosen. Our goal is to read first round stories within 2 weeks and let the author know if we are interested in the story or not. If the story is bumped up to the next round, we let the author know and hold on to the story for a few more weeks. We like to have a decision on most stories within 30 days.

Is there anything you wish you saw more of among the submissions (Be specific — “more great stories” isn’t a valid answer! 🙂 )

I’d love to see more space-related stories. Not space operas as such but stories of exploration, either in science or in the soul. Something like The Message Between the Words by Grayson Bray Morris. I’d also love to see more unusual fantasy tales. Think Videodrome or Cronenberg-level weirdness.

Other than Waylines, what other projects are you working on currently?

I have big plans this year. First off, I’m releasing The Citizens of Oblivion series. TCoO is a series of dystopian novellas I’ve been working on for the past 5 years that chronicle the fall/rebirth of a utopian city in a distant future. The first novella, In Dreams, was released on Jan 14 to Amazon and other outlets. The next installment, Sympathy for the Devil, is coming out on March 3 and the other books in the series will be released in 3 month intervals after that. More details about the series can be found at http://citizensofoblivion.com.

In addition to TCoO, I’m working on various SF illustrations, hoping to build up my portfolio. I’m also trying to get back to the two novels I’m working on: one a Japanese horror tale about a haunted tunnel in an isolated country town; the other is the epic, novel length sequel/conclusion of The Citizens of Oblivion chronicle. And lastly, I’m planning on releasing The Adventures of Squid Sensei, a bizarre/humorous comic about a squid that travels to Japan to teach English.

Which, based on the “author photo” you provided for this post, must be an autobiography! Thanks for answering my questions, Darryl, and Happy Birthday again!

darryl

A filmmaker now exploring novel-writing and illustration, Darryl has 8 short films under his belt. In 2013, in addition to co-founding Waylines Magazine, Darryl was a finalist in The Illustrators of the Future. Twice. At the beginning of this year he released the first book in his dystopian series, The Citizens of OblivionIn Dreams. For more information on his current projects, check out dariru.com or his blog.


Thoughts on Breaking Bad Finale (Caution: Spoilers Ahead)

September 30, 2013

All bad things must come to an end.

It happens all the time: a great show comes along, hooks the viewer with an incredible first season, and then runs of out steam. It goes on for a few more seasons and, as a viewer, I am loyal enough to keep watching. But I just want it to end, because by that point the show has become a shell of its former shell. It never recaptures the greatness that was it’s opening salvo. Some examples of that are Heroes and Prison Break.

Breaking Bad, on the other hand, remained fascinating throughout its five season run, and — if anything — it kept getting better. The show took a few seasons to find its tone. When it began, it reminded me of Weeds. The show was lighter, seemed to take itself less seriously. Then it veered toward the dark and over-bent the stick. The second season had a few episodes that were too slow and contemplative, as if to make up for the indiscretions of its first-season youth. The Fly comes to mind. Then the show finally hit its stride, developed fascinating new characters like Gus Fring and Mike, and it was smooth sailing forward.

The final season was so good that, by comparison, the actual finale was relatively tame. An argument can be made that the real resolution came two episodes earlier, in aptly-named “Ozymandias.” However, Vince Gilligan needed to tie up loose ends and he set about doing that with great proficiency. Overall I quite enjoyed how the show ended, except for one very important element.

Major spoilers follow, so if you haven’t watched the finale yet, please do not read anything below the picture.

carlosdanger#SFWApro

So here is what I had so much trouble with: I feel that Walt was given an easy way out.

It’s clear that he didn’t expect to survive his encounter with the Nazis. He went in there expecting to die, and probably expecting to add Jesse to the long list of enemies he would have revenge against before it was all over. I like the fact that he makes the last minute decision to save Jesse. I also like that he provides Jesse with at least some closure by giving him the gun and the opportunity to take Walt out. I like that Jesse refuses this opportunity.

However, the death Walter has been by the writers of the show given is almost a gift. It’s the best possible thing that could happen to him at that point. He found a way to provide for his family, defeated all of his enemies, and now he gets to go out in a blaze of glory, and to fade to black on the floor of the lab that was his brain child. Worst of all, this is something that happens to Walt. The character that has had so much agency throughout the show, and especially in the final episode, is given a relatively graceful exit that he has no control over at all.

This is how I would have changed the ending (and I say this realizing fully that Vince Gilligan and his team of writers are absolutely brilliant, and I’m presuming, rather foolishly, to rewrite them.  Still, hear me out.):

I would keep everything the same until the moment Walt and Jesse are on the ground, except for the bullet that finds Walt. I think that Jesse’s decision not to exact further revenge on his ex-mentor becomes a lot more redemptive and powerful if he doesn’t see that Walt is wounded.

For the final scene, I would have liked to have Walt standing in the meth lab, surrounded by the equipment he designed, watching the approaching police cars, gun in hand. I wanted him unencumbered by the mortal wound, forced to make a decision — does he take his own life, or does he surrender to the authorities at this point? I wanted him struggling with this decision for several long, delicious moments.

In the end, had I been writing the finale, I would have had Walt wait for the cops to enter the lab, then fire several shots above their heads, forcing them to return fire and take him out. Suicide by cop. Walt would retain his agency up until the very end, unwilling to take his own life, unwilling to be arrested, and able to engineer the very last bit of violence to serve his ego.

An ending along these lines would have been icing on the cake for me. Endings are hard. Especially so for character-driven TV series with many sub-plots and story lines to resolve. More often than not we get far less satisfactory endings (see the recent Dexter finale). Whether you agree with letting Walt have the death that he does, allowing Jesse to escape, having paid his penance over the course of the show, or allowing Saul to slink away in the previous episode, the great story arc of the final season trumps any specific character decisions we may or may not agree with as viewers, and will be remembered as some of the finest work in television dramas for years to come.